Crazy

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Somebody Mentioned Crazy, So here we go.

1st, I use the word Crazy to own it.

I've seen really bad & I am grateful that my crazy is more of a dabbler. Depressin, check. Bipolar ups & downs, check. OCD, Check.

So there is no wonder that I'm a recovering Alcaholic/Drug abuser/Self Medicator.

Lets just do OCD for now, because I think you all already know that I've been in & out of depession for approx 2 months, So lets not live there for now.

OCD. I check everything at least 3 times. Gate Latches, doors you name it. One night I was checking the stove, Mom was in the room. I asked her not to watch, because the stove is my worst thing.

I carry the BOUNTY paper towel in my left hand for comfort & stress relief.

I ask myself. How can you be OCD & ADD at the same time. Well it Does come up.

Like I said my imbalance is a dabbler. In my opinion I only have a middling type of this sort of thing. I am High Functioning Crazy.

Yes I have embraced my crazy, because you know that you can't outrun it. Tried that for half a lifetime, it always finds you. so you just do the things that you must & move on.

I have though learned tricks to minimize some things, though I do not & never will recomend them.

Here's the thing, if you can't outrun crazy. How can you make it useful? Creativity & focus. You are unique, your perspective is different than others. Think outside the box, You know because to tell the truth we can't even find the box.

Never apologize for your crazy, be who you are.

Do not hide it, share it openly.

Do not be ashamed of who you are.

Pish Posh, we have no idea what normal is or how they think.

I have no concept of what happy is except in a bipolar high when I wait for the low I know is coming.

This post is not for sympathy. Far be it.

This post believe it or not is I hope uplifting to others who deal with these things. You are not alone, We live our own version of normal.

My choice to share so publicly is brought on whenever this type of thing is mentioned. We all need a light.

Anyway Own your crazy. If you hide it, you just make it worse.

The good news, every so often you are gifted a few moments of enlightened clarity. Mind you I haven't seen one for a while, but today is good.

It's been a rough couple of months, but we have 5 days of sunshine ahead acording to my weather link. I'm gonna grab upon that.

I value all of you & your friendship. You matter.

Related topic.

Survivors Guilt.

Why am I still Here?

Something has been on my mind for a while.

A lot of people that I grew up with are gone now.

A lot of people I spent my working Life with are gone. I found that one out while we filmed the Documentary.

And a lot of people in my later life are slipping away.

Why am I still here?

It's not like I've led a a safe or good life. So that can't be it.

I wonder if Fools have a Guardian Angel.

Anyway, It's been on my mind.