The Beginning

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I believe that a very high percentage of addiction starts as self medicating Mental health issues. 

It to me is very important to understand the root cause of my early addictions. This is how I see it.

If you have issues & choose to self medicate with Alcahol or drugs, you are just putting off coming to grips with your Mental Health issues. Not to mention the new problem you have just stacked on top of it. Your attempt to smother your Mental health issues has just added a New Problem that can take a decade to recover from the damage that it does. And that now has to be also dealt with as you try to get to the real problems, Mental health.

My personal journey with Mental health & addiction began at roughly the age of 15yrs old. It was when I had to step out into the social world of being a teenager. Parties & dances. Hang with friends & meet Girls. For me this was very difficult. I distinkly remember talking my dad out of a good swig from his Saturday bottle of wine before I headed out to a teen dance club. That act set the new pattern.

It worked & people thought that I was a fun great guy to include in social activities. The problem was that I had just taken my 1st baby step to a really big problem. 

Alcahol was now my crutch. It didn't help at all that I come from a long line of Alcaholics.

This I suppose would be a good time to add that I am compulsive Obsessive. If a little is good, A lot is alway better.

The next 6yrs moved at a very fast pace & progression deeper into alcahol & Drug dependency. A lot of really bad decisions were made with very little thought.

Alcahol mostly in the 1st year or 2. Then Smoking Pot which led to very heavy use of LSD. Eventually Meth, Cocaine & Heroine. There were a lot of other drugs that I used, Basically I used any drug that I could lay my hands on.

By the end of my addictions I was High on whatever was at hand about 90% of every waking Hour of every day. This included Alcahol. By the end I could drink a good size glass of straight whiskey & just get a really good Buz.

Cars were smashed & Laws were broken. Here I'm going to be a bit vague because I just do not want to relive it all. Some of the crimes were quite serious. Enough so that the rehab clinic I ended up in tried to pass me off like a hot potatoe to a Psychiatric Hospital.

Here is where my decision was made to handle getting clean on my own. The rehab clinic was giving me drugs to get clean????

At intake for the Psyciatric Hospital I could not not see that the person questioning me used drugs. I guess by then we could recognize each other. I asked & they admitted it openly.

At that point I told my Mother That this was all a waste of time & why. I was going to have to do this the hard way.

I have to admit to you that compared to folks who used drugs & alcahol for 25yrs or more, my 6-7 years seems lite weight. What can I say, I was an extreme over achiever. I did a crazy amount of damage to myself very very fast.

At it's core was my Mental health isues, which walked in lockstep with me during those 6-7 years. I know that the Navy Doctor diagnosed me as Schizophrenic & Masochistic. I no longer believe that there Diagnosis was complete, Im not sure Bipolar was even in there repetoire yet, Let alone Compulsive Obsessive. 

I'm sure that other isms are involved, so I just call it crazy. Crazy was always there during my alcahol & drug use. It still is a part of every day I am allowed to walk this Earth. Though I have learned tricks Like which voices to listen to & which voices to exile to the very back of the room.

Here is where Schizophrenia & living in a cartoon world becomes useful. I designate the aspects of my personality as individuals in my head. All with voices trying to be heard. The jerks go to the back of the crowd in my head. I put the best version of me in charge, He decides who is allowed to be heard. The bad voices are still there & do still try to be heard, but we shut them down the best we can.

I think that the decision to relegate the bad voices as not to be listened to is very important. That decision puts you in charge again. I try very hard every day to be the best version of myself.